Independent Women

Archie – So what do you bring to the table…
*chick interjects*
Chick – I’ve got a degree, a job, my own place, my own car…

Archie – Lemme finish, what do you bring to the table that *I* want?

This question is different.  What I want is not what she deems valuable.  So  what does the average man thinks is valuable?

From a Old G’s perspective, some of the Independent Woman’s criteria is actually useful

  • She has her own place – easy to slide in and out.  She’s not always in your hair, or looking for the upgrade
  • She has her own car – don’t have to always pick her up.
  • She has her own money – no coming out the pocket.

Well a player doesn’t.  most regular dudes end up paying for most everything.  Now a Pimp?  From what I hear *grins* gets the girl to finance her own romance…

What about education?

In some cases a girl’s educational skills can assist you.  If you have a business and she’s an accountant…  Far and Few between.

The real benefit to a chick having a college education is that you don’t want your children raised by a dummy.  Not that you’re trying to have kids when you first meet a chick – but many a dude has been knocked out the game by a knocking up a chick that can barely fill out her 1040.

These are some generic ones.  The traditional feminine arts, like caring, nurturing, nursing, cleaning, cooking, decoration, money and household management – modern technology and society have done damage to these things.  I’m of the age where i’ve had a chick fix a hem in my trousers. (This was the 90’s).  I don’t think basic sewing skills is as widespread as it used to be.

You do have to ask yourself, what do you value in a chick.

The face and the body are given.  A style that can be sexy but can switch to modest is also a given.   Bedroom skills, given.

What else are you after?  That’s some soul searching.

As a caveat – take it from my experience – whatever your hobby is – you don’t necessarily want your love interest involved with that.  Maybe you’re a big comic book fan.

This may seem appealing to you, until you start to understand the work that goes into it, but the sort of attention that your chick is going to get.  if you’ve ever dated a dancer (and I’m not talking tap) – aside from the unwanted male attention, the drudgery of her daily beauty routine will affect you.

On the personal, I like a girl who likes to try new things.  So I try to structure my interactions around novelty.  If she turns her nose up at checking out the Kenyan restaurant – I’m not particularly interested in hearing anything else from her.

So now that you have standards, how do you use this in the game?

Part 2 The Framework

Anytime I’ve said this type of thing to a chick – suggest that her face and body are not enough – She immediately gets flustered.  And as chicks tend to do, she tries to turn it around on me. Because once her pride has been wounded, it’s not about conversation and communication, but about winning.

Point this out – that she’s just trying to one up you instead of trying to connect –  and watch her demoralize even more.

Mystery made this a part of his provocation.

“Beauty is common, what else do you have go l going on other than your looks”

He’d say this early as part of his fake qualification routine, and she’d reply with some typical nonsense. She was then qualifying to him.  And when one person qualifies their worth to someone else – that’s submission.  And the act of qualifying is about seeking approval.  That’s what we want in the validation cycle.

But this is one of those white/black divide cultural things where a white guy is “impressed” by a white girl’s credentials. Often when you see the mainstream pua guys mention these things in their lay reports – they really don’t care what the chick says.  It’s just a part of the dance, where she knows that in order to pull a high level guy – she has to be high level herself.

Her resume reply, the white pua accepts her bullshit answer, and she feels validated when his initial question pushed her away before.

Part 3 Culture

As black dudes, we’ve had to deal with this “independent woman” bullshit since at least Destiny’s Child. Not just as a social phenomenon, but as a tired “line” within the back and forth.

So where a white guy just sorta let’s that shit go and gets the lay, this black dude is triggered! I swear, “I’m like Sweetie you need to come original, just like I have..”

So in practice, if you’ve opened the chick and you’re starting to get into real negotiations –

  • Have something that you actually value
  • Keep your cool
  • Withhold validation, until you actually have a reason to validate her.


3 thoughts on “Independent Women”

  1. Archie – What is your go to response when they flip the question back onto you?

    Obviously, if they give a non answer you aren’t going to qualify yourself to them so what would your response be in that situation? If they aren’t qualifying themselves it generally means your value isn’t high enough so I imagine your response is going to want to be a solid DHV without any qualification involved.

    Now say they do give you a good qualifying answer and finish it with, so what do you have going for you?

    1. “Look at you trying to turn it around on me”
      “You need to be more original”

      Make her question to you, about her.

      This is consistently how women out argue men. They switch from the message to the speaker.

      So when she flabbergasts – because you’re up on how they communicate – what I normally do is give her a role that she can fit.

      “You not fooling me. The thing that’s truly special about you, you hide from other people. I see through all of your bullshit.
      Stop fucking around and be real for once.”

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