I had different hopes for this post, but I really just like this song.
At some point I’ll write a post about Break Up Recovery, but let’s just focus on the break up – and what happened.
As players, the break up we care the most about are the ones where the 8+ “perfect check”/Mrs. West Indian Archie just gets tired of us and runs out, leaving us heartbroken.
How did we get here? Did I lose my alpha? What happened to my game?
In the real world, people change and they grow apart. The game that you used to pull her stopped being effective long ago. That’s to be expected. A chick will grow used to your charms as time goes on.
So you have to keep going to the well to bring up new game. Put her in new situations, keep changing things on her.
Now if you ask me, this sounds a whole lot like work. And my current thinking is that she’s not really bringing much more to the table. She’s getting older, the sex is getting boring, and the nagging is increasing.
Where a lot of guys are like,
What can I do to keep her?
What can I do to get her back?
Why isn’t this lasting?
My current thoughts on the matter are – why should I stay?
What is she doing to keep me interested in giving her more of the feelings that she wants?
If she’s not inspiring me to be alpha, to lead, to take charge – what good is she?
Cold approach night game teaches a new player the most. He has to find where people are having fun and then attempt to convert a stranger into a friend when everything is going against him. He has to deal with staff, other players, white knights, hating girlfriends, drunks, crowds, flashing lights, loud music…And he still has to spit at the chick.
It’s easily the most exhilarating of all the forms of game, and the one that should be the foundation of your other game.
Day game is intimidating and hard on its own accord. With night game a chick is ostensibly trying to be social, even if she makes it difficult for herself to actually be social. With day game, she’s just going about her business and is typically not interested in meeting anyone except Jesse Williams. But day game opportunities abound. If you live and work in a big city, there are women everywhere. Being able to strike up a conversation while you’re on the train, waiting in line at Chipotle, or as you go between offices will open up a new world. For you college kids, it’s the same chicks that are wearing full social body armor denuded.
Online game focuses primarily on two vital aspects of game, seducing through words and creating rapid comfort on the first meet. Written communication is a major part of all game, but with day and night game, you have the additional tools of making emotional impact on a girl in person. The rapid comfort has to come on the first meet. The idea is that she has basically said that you are attractive enough to hang out with, but I need more assurance for anything more. Rapid comfort/trust will help a player in his live game as well.
And finally the most powerful of all, the style of game that can move well past merely picking up chicks – social circle game. Great social circle game becomes fame and power.
Tone, depth, pace, diction, enunciation, pronunciation, projection, volume. All that can be learned.
Improv, story telling, comedy, emoting, can be learned as well.
Those skills will have dividends outside of game.
If you really see the point of this, some grappling MMA stuff would be very useful in the bed room. Not that you need to arm bar these broads. But the right knowledge of how to sweep her into bed, like a controlled fall, and you can really start speaking a girl’s language.
Part of why I don’t see much pick-up progress is that you can do quite well for yourself with 2% of the available knowledge and consistently going out.
In essence gentlemen and scoundrels, the bar is low because of overall social programming.
The mentality is “If I make 100 approaches, I expect X number of girls to bang.” For guys with this mentality that 1) get over their approach anxiety, but 2) don’t understand game – you get these spam approachers. Little Game Robots just hitting their heads against the wall.
Worse is the numbers game mentality + the sniper’s mindset.
At least the spam guy is approaching, and building up a set of data points in his mind about how girls are reacting to him both consciously and unconsciously. He may never get past that level, he may not ever reflect. He might actually get some bangs because as feminists are fond of saying, the medium is the message.
The sniper, who knows that he needs to approach a large # of women, is still basically looking for the low hanging fruit. Women that are alone. Women that look like they’d immediately react favorably. These women are out there, a lot of them during the day, but you need a huge net to catch these small butterflies. It’s not undoable, it’s just not efficient.
It’s very difficult to get a guy out of that kind of thinking, because it is a very masculine way to think. It’s like talking to someone that thinks that God created the world with evolution. Whenever I hear something like that, it tells me that the person has to put opposing ideas in balance – they cannot get through life with tension between ideas. They have to resolve all tension, otherwise they can’t function.
When your knowledge of the game gets better – then you start to see this tension.
As I continue to approach, continue to have success – the experiences mold me. I try new things and I get new results. That’s the basic level of game competence. It’s what I think most guys who aren’t after the “Secrets of the Hidden Temple” like myself can do with maybe 3 months of intense training, or 1 year of only going out on weekends.
So with additional reference points, a guy should reflect, seek information, and slowly change his behavior. This in turn usually requires getting rid of old ideas and changing your mindset. It’s very slow personality change. Change that’s forged from the hammering on the steel of his mind.
With self reflection, pushing through the interactions, you can actually increase the # of immediately yes girls, maybe girls, and decrease the no girls. So by going through the motions – it is indeed a #’s game. Typical game confirms that basic reality.
Various PUA gurus and instructors spout some variation of this understanding.
But what of conversion? If attraction is not a choice. If a girl doesn’t intellectually choose to be with a guy with a symmetrical face – if a player figures out the “cheat codes”- to where he’s pushing her buttons and she’s reacting – IS THAT A NUMBERS GAME?
It’s not a lottery if I’m the guy painting the numbers on ping pong balls.
When I’m rapping to a chick, it’s not to see if we have chemistry. I’m not trying to screen her based on exposing my personality to her.
I’m actively trying to find her junction box and hitting her switches.
What’s funny is that if you lean towards the whole “I want to be unconsciously competent” – your “personality” starts to have these traits that do this automatically. You always tease, you always know when to stop. You always see the signs and know when to hit the gas, when to pause, when to deescalate. You’re always present in the moment, being there with the chick.
It’s the conscious component – the thinking a few steps ahead that I’m trying to push guys to do, to think about.
I was juggling 6 chicks at the same time before I really knew what I was doing – it was not what I thought it would be. I’m thinking sex every night. In fact, it was juggling a lot of schedules and dealing with a lot of female issues.
Looking back on it, I was coming at these relationships like I was a boyfriend to 6 chicks.
I’m sure all of these chicks had guys that they could call to fix their computers or fuck them – but once they realized that they weren’t the only ones on my dance card …
I can say there was a major upside.
The smug smile on my face when I’m at girl #3’s spot and she’s bullshitting and girl’s #2 and #4 are texting.
Call me twisted, but it’s really better than the chase and the sex.
You’re dating a chick, and you find out something you don’t want to find out. From there you start making your moves. The square tries to salvage the relationship, the player tries to get out as soon as possible.
At least that’s what the manual says. What often happens is that a young player, or an old one like myself, finally meets a chick that is worth investing in. And if you’re not out there gathering up new prospects, your game gets a little dated, a little rusty. This is much to the benefit of the your main chick…at first.
However, the tests keep coming at you. And since you don’t have any internal leverage – you’re running out of moves.
And then she breaks up with you.
What happens next?
Q. How can you have game and still get burned?
A. You can have great short game and horrible long game.
I’ve learned that lesson repeatedly. Every horrible breakup I’ve ever had, I’ve had a chick in the sack within a week. Often it’s my exes friends. (Don’t let that cat out of the bag though)
So what do you young players (and old ones) need to learn?
Should you always avoid relationships?
Should you be the old man at the club surrounded by girls who keep up with all the new dances?
Should you just go your own way when your time is up?
Resign yourself to the idea that you had a good run?
Move to Barranquilla Colombia to find your unicorn?
Most players in this dilemma do one of two things.
They never commit the same way a woman commits. As Patrice O’Neal (the Patron Saint of WIA) would say, “You can’t love a woman the same way she loves you”
Keep your game sharp by staying in the mix.
We’ll explore the first option in other posts, but for guys that are currently in bad situations, this is what I have to say.
You might be raising a few young’ns in the suburbs. Probably pushing an SUV with a 3rd row that gets use. It is what it is. But you don’t have to die.
You have to do two things.
First, you need to keep your social skills sharp. It’s a horrible fact that MOST men stop having new friends after they leave college. The key word there is MOST. You need to cultivate new friendships by breaking bread with your co-workers, connecting with the fathers and husbands in your local area. Learning new skills by taking classes (at community college with off duty strippers!).
Second, keep your external game sharp. This is the generic GQ advice, but eating right, exercise, keeping your style game together. By themselves the externals don’t give you game. But when you have all of that together, you’re still catching glances from chicks. Not saying you need to act on those glances, but you need to keep a positive self image in your mind. And using external game and external validation to help you do that, is a net positive. You can’t base your identity on the externals, but like a pre-work out supplement – it helps.
“Students of the game, we passed the classes. Nobody could read you dudes like we do”
Most of the groundbreaking ideas that brought “pick up” aka game to the forefront of society were developed in the late 90’s and early to mid 00’s. It’s not that game didn’t exist before Style and Mystery.
I mean, a lot of us came up in the barbershop. I remember hearing about my first player’s ball as RT Idlebird was cutting my high top fade.
Even one of the most famous bits from back in the day was “borrowed” from the great Chris Rock
*Cut and Paste this joint, Youtube’s hating on the embed*
But let’s not get on that “Who invented what..” Someone’s liable to pull out Ovid.
It’s not yet 20 years later, but a lot of the things I learned way back when have been lost as pick up was mainstreamed in order to get a lot of money. So a lot of the nuance and geeky technical stuff was put aside so that young “Bro’s” could score with sorority chicks.
It’s funny that “those” guys are the target market, when it’s really the nerdy types that refined it and it’s most useful for. I digress.
What exactly is the Mystery Method?
First, let’s get rid of the notion that it’s *his* method. A better way to think about MM is that he broke down what was happening at the bars and clubs into 9 basic steps. 3 phases each having 3 steps.
First there is the attraction phase. Then there is the comfort phase. And finally there is the seduction phase.
In real life
Man shows up to the venue. If he’s tall, rich, well dressed, handsome or people seem to know who he is – he’s getting everyone’s attention. If he’s loud, he’s getting people’s attention.
Once the girl lays eyes on him, the animal part of her brain starts to assess him. “Ooh, he’s tall” “Ooh, he’s got big muscles” “Ooh, he looks like a baller”.
Sometimes she doesn’t see him initially, or she sees him and looks straight through him. But she sees how other people interact with the guy. He knows the bartender. He knows the bouncers, the owners. The waitresses are running up to hug him. He knows the DJ.
Maybe she sees none of that, but she does see him hold the attention of a group of people, and they are hanging on to his every word. Maybe, she’s within earshot of his booming voice, and her interest is piqued. It could be the content of the conversation.
She’s *now* receptive to him. She’s now in the early stages of attraction.
If our would be player steps up to her, she’s more willing to hear what he has to say. If she hadn’t seen what she’d seen, she would not be as willing to talk to him. She might even be indifferent or hostile.
But she did see him. She was cool with what she saw. So she’s open to being talked to
Will she meet his standard? If the man is merely impressed with her looks – for whatever reason – the more that a chick thinks of herself – the less that validating on her looks will get you any where.
So you have to QUALIFY her. Only if she meets the qualifications of “The Man” is she okay with getting to know him better.
What a lot of squares do is walk right up, introduce themselves, run down their accomplishments, and try to befriend the girl, hoping to turn that into a spark. The squares that don’t talk to women, often feel that they don’t have enough accomplishments to really present a good case to the women. And some of us even feel that we’ll NEVER have the right stuff…so why even bother?
What Mystery observed, and what many players before and after him noticed was that – Trying to Impress a chick rarely works. Making her feel like she needs to impress you works like gangbusters.