Bowling Alone

Q.  Archie, I’m just starting out in the game, and none of my friends are players or would make good wing men.

a) How can I go out alone?

b) Do I sit by myself or try to join a group immediately

c) How do I explain why I’m alone

A. Just reading this question breaks my heart.  But we’ve all been there.

The first part of every WIA analysis should be to ask – what’s going on in a new player’s mind?  Because get the mindset right, that changes the subcommunications, which alters the communications ultimately ending in results.

Game (definition #287) is advanced socializing.

So when the “ancients” taught game, they assumed that

  • That you could make friends
  • That you could get a date

In the old days, the whole point of game was to fast forward the typical courtship process of months of dates and expensive dinners before you could get “lucky’.  Things have seriously changed, and the average American/Westerner basic socialization skills have atrophied, thank to the internet.

As game left the newsgroups and hit the mainstream, the guys most attracted to it had no social skills.  They didn’t have the baseline.

Not having a baseline is fine.  It’s not a cause for alarm.  You probably have a baseline, but you haven’t been working out your social muscles.  You’ll find that a lot of my advice goes about bedding women goes back to talking to people in general.  Building up that wealth of experience of striking up conversations, knowing where they’re going to go

You’re going to be in your head about those sort of things, thinking you’re inadequate, not knowing what to do or where to turn.

You’re okay.

So let’s get to the practicalities of running game on the solo.

How can I go out alone?

Socialize Prior to Talking to Girls – Pick a night, pick a club.  In general, clubs get packed between 11 PM and 2 AM.   Go early.  Talk to the door guy, talk to the person taking the cover, if there is one.   There will be a bartender, wait staff, bouncers, and dj’s.  Talk to them

There will also be fellow people at the bar.  Talk to whoever is close to you.   There will definitely be a lot of guys holding up the wall, drinks at chest level.   Talk sports, talk girls, talk whatever.   Just talk.

Establish a Home Base – Should you sit by yourself?   First, there’s no problem with being by yourself as you progress.  But a good beginner’s tactic is to find yourself a place *next* to a group, and then make that a home base.

In practice, you get to the bar, you chat up the staff.  Then you find the nearest group of guys and girls that are chatting.  Say what’s up, exchange pleasantries and chill.  Then start approaching.   After every approach, head back to where that group is.    To outsiders, these people look like your friends.   As you advance, one of the better techniques is meeting these “bar friends”, then approaching, then introducing the girls you approach to the “bar friends”.

What About Your Friends? – This gets into when a girl says something to you that strikes at an insecurity.   Mouth breathers see every thing as a test, but a lot of what girls do isn’t conscious and malicious.  But when you have a bad reaction to her innocent action – that shows your weakness – and you stop sub-communicating/radiating your true essence.

I’ll say this again.  A man’s strength and weakness is his logic.   A woman’s strength and weakness is her emotions. (which arguably is just logic from a different p.o.v).

The playing field isn’t level.   In most situations that count, a man can’t use his reason directly to bed a woman.   He has to use emotion, but in an intelligent way.  A woman can use “man’s logic” and “female emotion” to affect the man.    Just like a we can watch Friends and basically know how the show will play out, but outsiders can’t fathom our own cultural product.

So when a chick or her friends asks you “So where are your friends?”

Assume it’s not a malicious question. (though it very may well be).

Even if it is malicious, you want to assume it’s innocent – BECAUSE -if you think the chick is trying to make you feel insecure – you will either a) feel insecure, b) want to retaliate, c) explain yourself.  At the frame level – this is the girl imposing her reality on you.

You should have friends. Why are you here alone?  You must be a loser.

All of those things will be in your mind, taking you out of your zone, affecting your body language, nullifying whatever good and clever things you might have to say.

Assume the Best.

Chica – “So where are your friends?”

Player – “Mannnn…my friends…so dig this, my boy Lamont…”

What the player does is assume the best about the question, and uses that possible test as a way to show more of his personality.  (or in Mystery Method speak – he takes a shit test as an opportunity to demonstrate value)

He launches into a story about his friends.   Ideally you can just think of something that happened to your friends recently.  Ideally you’ve got the mental chops to rewrite real stories to draw out the drama and humor. (that’s a good idea for a post)

Take heart little homie, we’ll turn you into a player.

Her World And Random Thoughts

[Ed. This was an old draft that was a response to something that I don’t recall anymore.]

 

She lives minute to minute, second to second. The entire world is trying to stimulate her, and she wants to be stimulated.

Even in a 3rd world place like rural parts of Russia, the nature of woman doesn’t change.

Beta v. Alpha v. Player

A blue pill strategy is to find these virginal unicorns and keep her locked away and isolated from society.

The alpha strategy is to be unaffected. And alphas get divorce raped too.

The player realizes that he has more power over a one chick, when he has 10 chicks. If he only has one, he’s fucked. He has to mind her. The exact same thing is with income. You have one job, one profession, one career – and you’re fucked when things change.

Competition Between Females and Insecurity

Chicks are often more interested in beating other women than keeping one man. That’s the lesson of the preacher’s wife.

A chick will try to manipulate her guy by getting him to say that those other girls don’t matter, or that she wants to be his main.

The way I used to handle this was to NOT see this as manipulation, just insecurity. And I’d try to build her back up. That’s the mistake. It gets you answering to her, and the balance of power shifts to her.

In its most basic form , game is who reacts to who.

That’s how you have these bad ass dudes in real life become bitches with their women.

So when you face this, where she’s feeling insecure – you tell her what active steps she can do to keep you in her life.

Let her be insecure, let her be sad. Let her me angry. She needs that. That’s why she watches romantic comedies and reads romance novels.

On Abundance

In the meantime, you can only fake abundance for so long. You need actual abundance. You should actually be going out more and meeting more people in a relationship. To keep your social skills sharp and develop plan b’s.

Squares get bitches online. Players are far and few between. Even in our community, they come to the dojo and learn two punches and go out to knock down a few chicks and think they’re masters.

Options

A player has plenty of options
1) Monogamous LTR
2) Monogamous LTR where she brings you chicks.
3) Open LTR  – Which if set up correctly, meaning that you can both get your sexual needs met outside of the relationship IF she only fucks random dudes, not guys you know/both know, and if it’s only sex.

It’s a bit of a trick because even when a girl can get all the anonymous no-strings-attached dick that she wants, it’s rare that she’s going to go that route when she has a guy that knows how to push her buttons at home. Not saying that a player should be jealous, but a lot of the time, these chicks stay loyal because there are no good options.

It’s kinda like if you’re Western GF had a job in Japan. She’d be a layup for any player in Japan, but the players are on the Japanese girls and the Japanese men won’t find her Western awfulness that attractive. Now if a broad says she’s going to vacation in the Greek Isles…..)

4) A primary chick and his side chicks that never get “boyfriend/husband” treatment
5) harem to meet his needs

They bend to his will, not the other way around

Again this is a bit of the inversion problem.

Danger of Monogamous LTR’s

Guys go into LTR’s thinking that
– my work is finally done
– she’s never going to change

Or they think they need to actively monitor what she does, who she spends her time with..

To keep his chick in check, a player can withdraw his attention, withdraw his presence.
In a situation where you’re living with her, and you have kids – you’ve basically given up all your leverage.

All he has left is dread/competition anxiety. (See Above)

So in that situation, a guy’s strategy has to resemble the woman’s. The suburbs will kill a careless player. He’s used to the downtown life. What he needs to do is become as social in the cul-de-sac as his wife. Them broads are always getting together to do something, he needs to keep flexing on her competition. And if she thinks he’s flirting with junior’s kindergarten teacher….

I think YaReally had a good plan with this. If you’re making suburbs money, set aside a G or so to have an “office” in the city. TV, couch, Bed, fridge full of beer and goodies. When the Mrs. wants to act up, bounce. “Give her the gift of missing you.”

Alternatively, pick a career/job that lets you travel. (as opposed to making you travel)

There’s no easy answers once you’ve realized that chicks love sex and can get excited over the right combination of words and actions.

 

I don’t like big guys

I am not a big muscular dude. Genetics wise, that’s probably not in the cards. And desire wise, I’ll be happy with doing a fuck ton of pull ups.

Uncle Archie does care about my Lou Ferrigno players.

Q. Archie, all I get is fat girls and ugly girls wanting to feel my biceps.

And the cute skinny girls say I’m too big.

A. There’s a whole lot going on in the average chick’s mind.  I’m not a mind reader, neither should you be.

But for those of us who’ve been in the mix..

1) Fat girls give no fucks. Until you want them to fuck you…

On the one hand, her taking a selfie with The Mountain pretending to be a man gives her validation and a hint of sexuality.  But if you stoop down to her level – she’ll be able to reject you, which is more delicious than any sweet love that might happen later.

2) Shouldn’t the skinny chicks be all up on me?  What’s all the hate?

You’re being disqualified on appearance. She’s judging you before you have a chance to plead your case.

Prejudging aka prejudice

Some of you guys weren’t expecting that.  But that’s what it is, and now that you realize that you’ve been on the wrong side of it before, don’t do it. Be on the lookout for it.

Chicks that are disqualifying you on appearance are saying that they expect a brute when they see you, and 

– some chicks want that
– others are afraid
– others will think you’re a dumb jock/low class/can’t bring you around her social circle (it’s ridiculous, because the smaller frat boy type is far more obnoxious, predictably so)

These broads aren’t going to change. “It’s my preference..”

As Young Dro would say, FDB.

And now that we’ve ranted, what’s the solution?

Subvert expectations.

But you don’t actually know what her objection is. If you knew she thought that muscles were low class, then you’d counter that with high class impressions. Like being fashionable.

If you thought that she was afraid of your size, and that you might get angry, you would play that off being upbeat, happy, and funny.

But you can’t read her mind. (Even if you could, their minds change so quickly, you’d be in constant reaction)

And as we have not previously discussed, you can’t reason your way into romance.

You change her mind by changing her mood, by going for the emotional jugular.

Like all game, the play is always personality, more so than appearance. Humor, intelligence, insight… The exact thing us “small” guys use.

– get her attention

– chit chat

– player says

“I know when you see a guy like me…”

This acknowledges what she might be thinking – but frame wise even if she wasn’t thinking anything – she is now.

“There’s only one question you have on your mind.”

– cold read light. Builds intrigue

“Do i have a Roth IRA or a traditional IRA….”

– the release

It has a nice logical ending in that the build-up goes left from expectations like all good jokes – but from a game pov, we’ve now gotten some emotional churn.

And keep doing that…

-Archie

New Player meets an 8

Dear Archie,

I’m new to the game, and having some decent success.  And then I met this 8, and we really hit it off.  The sex is great and I really like her.

[Ed. So what’s the problem?]

It’s just that if I turn this into an LTR, my game won’t get any better.  What should I do?

This is actually a less straight forward question than it seems to be.

The young player sees it as

1) Play the field

2) LTR until he’s in a pine box.

That LTR with an 8 is problematic for many reasons.  He has no relationship skills. Much easier to be rock solid when you’ve got ten chicks, than when you only have one.

Often the dynamic flips and the girl is in the position of power.

So when offered this horrible situation, what should a player do?

Get into the relationship!

It’s the only way you’ll learn to avoid them. (Plus one on one skills)

Just know the end will come, and it’ll hurt.

-Archie

 

 

 

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I had different hopes for this post, but I really just like this song.

At some point I’ll write a post about Break Up Recovery, but let’s just focus on the break up – and what happened.

As players, the break up we care the most about are the ones where the 8+ “perfect check”/Mrs. West Indian Archie just gets tired of us and runs out, leaving us heartbroken.

How did we get here?   Did I lose my alpha?  What happened to my game?

In the real world, people change and they grow apart.  The game that you used to pull her stopped being effective long ago.   That’s to be expected.  A chick will grow used to your charms as time goes on.

So you have to keep going to the well to bring up new game.  Put her in new situations, keep changing things on her.

Now if you ask me, this sounds a whole lot like work.  And my current thinking is that she’s not really bringing much more to the table.  She’s getting older, the sex is getting boring, and the nagging is increasing.

Where a lot of guys are like,

  • What can I do to keep her?
  • What can I do to get her back?
  • Why isn’t this lasting?

My current thoughts on the matter are – why should I stay?

What is she doing to keep me interested in giving her more of the feelings that she wants?

If she’s not inspiring me to be alpha, to lead, to take charge – what good is she?

-Archie

Maybe you’ve heard this one?

 

Just Wrapped a Podcast with McQueen

I was hoping to have more content written here, but I’m kinda all over the web right now.

Here’s the initial post and you can see what  questions I was asked –

http://www.realcmqforum.com/showthread.php?tid=2438

In other “forum developments”

I’ve been checking out  SedFast and Pick Up Artist Forum.   I know a lot of you guys know me from Roosh’s joint, McQueen’s Joint, and the Moma and Rudebwoy “2 Boys doing a Ting” podcast.

Here’s an interesting scenario that I used to run into in my own LTR’s

http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/general-questions/when-she-asks-about-what-she-wearing-vt198122-15.html#p961334

There’s more to unpack here as well.

Elsewise, the East Coast is looking quite marvelous today.

I however am in a coffee shop working on 2 different side businesses.

-WIA

Perfect Game

Realize that you’re in the Matrix, your life has been spent trying to live someone else’s dream, attain things that they want.

This is why you can’t get what you want, because the Matrix has rules built into it that stop you

Unplug from the matrix.

Start to deprogram yourself, and build yourself.

Recognize that game is real, it works, it can work for you.

Learn the techniques, the rules, and the rationale and theory behind the rule.   Practice. Keep notes.  Post your findings and experiences for others to interpret.  Keep updating your skills.

As you external skills and technique get better, integrate that into the rest of your life.  Bring your internals and externals up

Round out your game by examining those goals that society started with, and now you have the external and internal tools to get there.

Four types of Game and Four Advantages

There are four main types of Game

Cold approach night game

Cold approach day game

Online game

Social circle game

Cold approach night game teaches a new player the most.  He has to find where people are having fun and then attempt to convert a stranger into a friend when everything is going against him.  He has to deal with staff, other players, white knights, hating girlfriends, drunks, crowds, flashing lights, loud music…And he still has to spit at the chick.

It’s easily the most exhilarating of all the forms of game, and the one that should be the foundation of your other game.

Day game is intimidating and hard on its own accord.  With night game a chick is ostensibly trying to be social, even if she makes it difficult for herself to actually be social.  With day game, she’s just going about her business and is typically not interested in meeting anyone except Jesse Williams.  But day game opportunities abound. If you live and work in a big city, there are women everywhere.  Being able to strike up a conversation while you’re on the train, waiting in line at Chipotle, or as you go between offices will open up a new world. For you college kids, it’s the same  chicks that are wearing full social body armor denuded.

Online game focuses primarily on two vital aspects of game, seducing through words and creating rapid comfort on the first meet.  Written communication is a major part of all game, but with day and night game, you have the additional tools of making emotional impact on a girl in person.  The rapid comfort has to come on the first meet.  The idea is that she has basically said that you are attractive enough to hang out with, but I need more assurance for anything more.  Rapid comfort/trust will help a player in his live game as well.

And finally the most powerful of all, the style of game that can move well past merely picking up chicks – social circle game.  Great social circle game becomes fame and power.

Basic Socialization Skills can be Improved

And that will help your game

Tone, depth, pace, diction, enunciation, pronunciation, projection, volume. All that can be learned.

Improv, story telling, comedy, emoting, can be learned as well.

Those skills will have dividends outside of game.

If you really see the point of this, some grappling MMA stuff would be very useful in the bed room. Not that you need to arm bar these broads. But the right knowledge of how to sweep her into bed, like a controlled fall, and you can really start speaking a girl’s language.

Part of why I don’t see much pick-up progress is that you can do quite well for yourself with 2% of the available knowledge and consistently going out.

In essence gentlemen and scoundrels, the bar is low because of overall social programming.

WIA

Numbers Game Revisited

Squares think that it’s just about numbers.

The mentality is “If I make 100 approaches, I expect X number of girls to bang.”   For guys with this mentality that 1) get over their approach anxiety, but 2) don’t understand game – you get these spam approachers.    Little Game Robots just hitting their heads against the wall.

Worse is the numbers game mentality + the sniper’s mindset.

At least the spam guy is approaching, and building up a set of data points in his mind about how girls are reacting to him both consciously and unconsciously.  He may never get past that level, he may not ever reflect.  He might actually get some bangs because as feminists are fond of saying, the medium is the message.  

The sniper, who knows that he needs to approach a large # of women, is still basically looking for the low hanging fruit.   Women that are alone.   Women that look like they’d immediately react favorably.   These women are out there, a lot of them during the day, but you need a huge net to catch these small butterflies.   It’s not undoable, it’s just not efficient.

It’s very difficult to get a guy out of that kind of thinking, because it is a very masculine way to think.  It’s like talking to someone that thinks that God created the world with evolution.   Whenever I hear something like that, it tells me that the person has to put opposing ideas in balance – they cannot get through life with tension between ideas.  They have to resolve all tension, otherwise they can’t function.

When your knowledge of the game gets better – then you start to see this tension.

As I continue to approach, continue to have success – the experiences mold me.   I try new things and I get new results.   That’s the basic level of game competence.  It’s what I think most guys who aren’t after the “Secrets of the Hidden Temple” like myself can do with maybe 3 months of intense training, or 1 year of only going out on weekends.

So with additional reference points, a guy should reflect, seek information, and slowly change his behavior.  This in turn usually requires getting rid of old ideas and changing your mindset.  It’s very slow personality change.  Change that’s forged from the hammering on the steel of his mind.

With self reflection, pushing through the interactions, you can actually increase the # of immediately yes girls, maybe girls, and decrease the no girls.   So by going through the motions – it is indeed a #’s game.   Typical game confirms that basic reality.

Various PUA gurus and instructors spout some variation of this understanding.

But what of conversion?  If attraction is not a choice.  If a girl doesn’t intellectually choose to be with a guy with a symmetrical face – if a player figures out the “cheat codes”- to where he’s pushing her buttons and she’s reacting – IS THAT A NUMBERS GAME?

It’s not a lottery if I’m the guy painting the numbers on ping pong balls.

When I’m rapping to a chick, it’s not to see if we have chemistry.   I’m not trying to screen her based on exposing my personality to her.

I’m actively trying to find her junction box and hitting her switches.

What’s funny is that if you lean towards the whole “I want to be unconsciously competent” – your “personality” starts to have these traits that do this automatically.     You always tease, you always know when to stop.  You always see the signs and know when to hit the gas, when to pause, when to deescalate.   You’re always present in the moment, being there with the chick.

It’s the conscious component – the thinking a few steps ahead that I’m trying to push guys to do, to think about.

-Archie