Q. Archie, I’m just starting out in the game, and none of my friends are players or would make good wing men.
a) How can I go out alone?
b) Do I sit by myself or try to join a group immediately
c) How do I explain why I’m alone
A. Just reading this question breaks my heart. But we’ve all been there.
The first part of every WIA analysis should be to ask – what’s going on in a new player’s mind? Because get the mindset right, that changes the subcommunications, which alters the communications ultimately ending in results.
Game (definition #287) is advanced socializing.
So when the “ancients” taught game, they assumed that
- That you could make friends
- That you could get a date
In the old days, the whole point of game was to fast forward the typical courtship process of months of dates and expensive dinners before you could get “lucky’. Things have seriously changed, and the average American/Westerner basic socialization skills have atrophied, thank to the internet.
As game left the newsgroups and hit the mainstream, the guys most attracted to it had no social skills. They didn’t have the baseline.
Not having a baseline is fine. It’s not a cause for alarm. You probably have a baseline, but you haven’t been working out your social muscles. You’ll find that a lot of my advice goes about bedding women goes back to talking to people in general. Building up that wealth of experience of striking up conversations, knowing where they’re going to go
You’re going to be in your head about those sort of things, thinking you’re inadequate, not knowing what to do or where to turn.
So let’s get to the practicalities of running game on the solo.
How can I go out alone?
Socialize Prior to Talking to Girls – Pick a night, pick a club. In general, clubs get packed between 11 PM and 2 AM. Go early. Talk to the door guy, talk to the person taking the cover, if there is one. There will be a bartender, wait staff, bouncers, and dj’s. Talk to them
There will also be fellow people at the bar. Talk to whoever is close to you. There will definitely be a lot of guys holding up the wall, drinks at chest level. Talk sports, talk girls, talk whatever. Just talk.
Establish a Home Base – Should you sit by yourself? First, there’s no problem with being by yourself as you progress. But a good beginner’s tactic is to find yourself a place *next* to a group, and then make that a home base.
In practice, you get to the bar, you chat up the staff. Then you find the nearest group of guys and girls that are chatting. Say what’s up, exchange pleasantries and chill. Then start approaching. After every approach, head back to where that group is. To outsiders, these people look like your friends. As you advance, one of the better techniques is meeting these “bar friends”, then approaching, then introducing the girls you approach to the “bar friends”.
What About Your Friends? – This gets into when a girl says something to you that strikes at an insecurity. Mouth breathers see every thing as a test, but a lot of what girls do isn’t conscious and malicious. But when you have a bad reaction to her innocent action – that shows your weakness – and you stop sub-communicating/radiating your true essence.
I’ll say this again. A man’s strength and weakness is his logic. A woman’s strength and weakness is her emotions. (which arguably is just logic from a different p.o.v).
The playing field isn’t level. In most situations that count, a man can’t use his reason directly to bed a woman. He has to use emotion, but in an intelligent way. A woman can use “man’s logic” and “female emotion” to affect the man. Just like a we can watch Friends and basically know how the show will play out, but outsiders can’t fathom our own cultural product.
So when a chick or her friends asks you “So where are your friends?”
Assume it’s not a malicious question. (though it very may well be).
Even if it is malicious, you want to assume it’s innocent – BECAUSE -if you think the chick is trying to make you feel insecure – you will either a) feel insecure, b) want to retaliate, c) explain yourself. At the frame level – this is the girl imposing her reality on you.
You should have friends. Why are you here alone? You must be a loser.
All of those things will be in your mind, taking you out of your zone, affecting your body language, nullifying whatever good and clever things you might have to say.
Assume the Best.
Chica – “So where are your friends?”
Player – “Mannnn…my friends…so dig this, my boy Lamont…”
What the player does is assume the best about the question, and uses that possible test as a way to show more of his personality. (or in Mystery Method speak – he takes a shit test as an opportunity to demonstrate value)
He launches into a story about his friends. Ideally you can just think of something that happened to your friends recently. Ideally you’ve got the mental chops to rewrite real stories to draw out the drama and humor. (that’s a good idea for a post)
Take heart little homie, we’ll turn you into a player.