I don’t bare any ill will at my man Aziz Ansari. But yo, that date was cringeworthy.
Most of the commentary about Aziz has been from the mainstream, and it’s what you would expect. #Metoo. #Men_are_entitled_pigs.
From the Right-Wing-O-Sphere, most people are calling Aziz an Indian Race Troll, SoyBoy, or the epitome of Beta Male.
Over here? I got love for my East Indian Brethren.
So the story, which I linked above goes like this
- Chick goes to an Emmy Awards after party (with a date)
- Aziz is there taking pics with a film camera.
- She approaches Aziz because she liked his camera (yeah right)
- Aziz brushed her off (like he should have)
- But then because he was impressed by her camera knowledge (yeah right)
- They flirt, she goes back to her date.
- At his suggestion, she puts her # into his phone (yeah right)
- He messaged first
- Banter over a week
- She is excited for the date (celeb and comedian)
- She consults with her group about what to wear
- She meets at his place
- He serves her white wine, but she likes red
- They bounce to a restaurant
- She does most of the talking on the date (that’s probably right)
- He wants to bounce back to his place
- They go back to his place (Taylor Swift apparently has a flat there too.)
- She says something about his marble tops
- Aziz says get on the marble top
- He’s kissing her within moments
- He’s taking her clothes off and his.
- She wants to chill
- He goes down on her
- She gives him a bj, but the article emphasizes NOT FOR LONG (I wonder why)
- They’re practically naked at this point, so he puts his 2 fingers in her mouth, gets them wet, and tries to put his fingers in her vaj
- He kept moving her hand to his dick
- She uses verbal and non-verbal cues (but mostly nonverbal)
- She says he ignored them because he was trying to bang
- He would say “Where do you want me to fuck you” (assuming the close)
- She’s not having it.
- At some point she goes to the bathroom, comes back out
- Says something, he seems to cool down. Let’s chill.
- Then he wants a beej. It gets worse along those lines.
- Then they switch to chill with the clothes on…
- Watch some Seinfeld
- and then he tries again to get at her
- She rolls out in tears.
The big thing in the press is whether this was just “bad sex” or “she should get over it, every woman goes through this” or “that ain’t rape” to “omg we need to run Aziz out of town and put him under the jail”. You don’t need to be a professional dating coach to the see all the problems. I would not be surprised if the NYPD got involved, and he lost his show at Netflix.
It’s clear to me that Aziz read a little bit about pick up, probably some of the same manuals that are available online. He seemed to pull out some technique while he was trying to get her excited, and also when she wasn’t ready.
In PUA terms he ran into “Last Minute Resistance” (LMR). At the very last minute!! the girl is putting up resistance!
And the way those PUA books are written, if a girl resists your physical advances – she’s not saying “No”, she’s saying “Not Yet”. Talk of LMR has always bothered me.
So what you’re supposed to do to “bust through LMR” is to withdraw the physical intimacy from the girl, which doubles for the emotional intimacy with the girl. (Under the original PUA model – guys are out for sex and girls are out for love/intimacy/closeness. It’s called Rocks and Gold. In reality, GIRLS LOVE SEX. And these stoic Marcus Aurelius alphas like intimacy as well – both sides don’t want to admit it to others or even themselves.)
So the manual says in order to bust through LMR, the guy should “blow out the candles” of the little romantic sex scene that he had going, physically get up from the girl, turn on the tv, check his email. But he must not be BUTTHURT while doing it. Cause if he seems mad/frustrated, that’s going to “break the spell”
What is supposed to happen, is that nice warm feeling that the girl gets by cuddling with you – she’s gonna feel a sense of loss and then realizes that she needs to get sexual in order to feel closeness. The gurus talk about negotiated desire, this is emotional bargaining.
Personally, I think when a chick is *not* tearing your clothes off and *not* really into the kissing, getting up from the coziness is a great idea. But that’s because the two people that are making out are not on the same page. There is no last minute resistance, there is just RESISTANCE.
You should not be getting last minute resistance, ever.
Lemme repeat that, You should not be getting last minute resistance, ever.
If you meet a girl, she likes you, she trusts you enough to leave the bar with you, to eat a meal with you, to go to your place, and to make out on your couch while you watch Netflix – what you’re supposed to do as the man is STOP SHORT.
The resistance comes from the man.
Is she worthy enough for your gift? And believe me, if you knock her up – you’re giving her far more than she’s giving you. Indeed, she could take everything from you, and you get nothing.
What we’re trying to generate in this situation is ENTHUSIASTIC consent on her part. Indeed, she should be trying to push herself on you because you are teasing her so much and have her so turned on. You are her drug, she is the addict.
And you are her drug. Know that. The fact that you have her back at your place and she’s getting very physically close to you is PROOF POSITIVE that she’s feeling you. These girls don’t go home with random strangers on a lark. That’s dangerous.
She might not come out and say it, so make it easy for her to express herself. Like wear a button up shirt so that she can unbutton your buttons.
You want her to say the words, you want her to make some moves.
How does he generate that desire?
A man makes this happen by turning that 10 second kiss into a 7 second kiss. By pretending to kiss her. By dodging her lips and going for her neck. By dodging her neck, and kissing the collar bone. He keeps her guessing.
I like to keep my site PG even though we’re talking about an XXX situation. If a man is on some BDSM stuff and she’s cool with that – it’s the same idea. A little bit of stimulus and then he pulls it back before she can get release.
2 steps forward, 1 step back.
So what should Aziz have done.
First – This broad tried to holla at him while she was with another guy. I get it, Big Bank take Little Bank. But that’s not the type of chick you’d want on your roster. Not even as a throwaway, because if she’s willing to do that to her date, she’ll do something worse to you.
Second – He should not have been so eager to send her a text. Me or you? A random text from a guy she spent a few minutes with when she was out on the town is probably a good idea. We may need to start the line of communication early. But he’s a god damned super star. If this chick was gonna leave the dude she was with to get his # (which is what happened, you have to read through the lines) – he could make her sweat it out a bit.
Does he like me? Does he not like me?
Third – He played “alpha” by making her drink his wine…but as annoying as that detail is – what’s clear from the beginning is that my man doesn’t really care about what the chick wants. He cares about what he wants.
He should have been paying attention. He doesn’t need to give her a choice, but a man often needs to let the woman have some input.
Fourth – He took her on a date. He took her on a typical dinner date.
He should not have taken this girl on the date.
At best this would have been Thai food from Seamless, 3 Buck Chuck box wine from Trader Joe’s, Netflix and Chill.
He wanted to hook up with her, but gave her girlfriend treatment.
Fifth – He did bring her by the spot, then took her on a date, then brought her back home. She did most of the talking. He didn’t do most of the talking.
He was betting on his “SMV” to do the work of attraction, building the trust, and then the seduction.
He needed to be active in his own pull. The jokes, the teasing, the getting to know you, sharing some secret fun with her, bringing her into his “emotional” world, how he sees things. That’s what he could have done.
The fact that she says she did most of the talking (which is a contrast to the usual bad “alpha” date where the guy talks about himself and his accomplishments) – tells us that he really wasn’t doing much for her mind.
The game is about the mind.
Sixth – He went too damn fast. I get that as a celeb used to banging groupies (which I wonder if he does), he wanted to get to the good part asap. But his SMV did mean much with regard to his actual value in the moment.
Did she want him? Want what he has?
What she wanted was to get away.
Even if he botched everything up until this point – she was still there, still wanting to hang out and see what would happen. This is after all the things she complained about. She could have rolled after dinner, but she stayed. Things could have went his way….
My man was super thirsty though.
So the play here was to sit on the couch, throw on some Seinfeld, make a few jokes, and then start making out. Then chill. Little by little, light kisses go to French Kisses, go to Necking, et cetera. Always stopping before she gets “there”. Making her crave his touch.
And that would have probably gone where he wanted it to go.
So the key here is not to “bust through last minute resistance by entirely withdrawing all physical intimacy, so as to punish the girl” – but rather to slowly escalate and pause the physical intimacy so that you reward the girl for taking action.
While you’re getting to the point of no return, it should be awesome.
And after you’ve done it all, you both should feel awesome. She should want to recount the story with a glow in her eyes and warmth in her voice. Maybe a little mischief as well.
Aziz, hit me up if you want some more game.