She Says – I Just Got Out of a Relationship

[Ed. Little bit of Tech while we go through Black History Month.  Shout to my man Mace for the topic]

So you’re spitting some game to a chica.  You think everything is going copacetic, and then she says

“I just got out of a relationship”

What does this mean?

Straight up – it means she’s not trying to entertain any of your bullshit, but she wants to be nice about it.

Is there a solution?

For my guys totally into direct game – if you’re getting this a more than 30% of the time

  1. Better externals (fitness, grooming, style, social proof, pre-selection) – Basically look better, conform to society’s idea of what a man look’s like.
  2. Better internal view/confidence – which stems from previous experience – and has the practical effect of silencing a man’s body language and “tells”
  3. Better opener/immediate vibe – the least amount of psychology that you can telegraph in your opener/step up.  So instead of coming in meek, come in high. If you’re always coming in high energy, come in serious.  If you’re always serious, come into the set like you don’t give a fuck one way or the other.

As I’ve said before, direct game is 90-100% about screening the girl out if she doesn’t feel the guy from the very beginning.  It is very efficient.  And when you work on your appearance, build up that data bank of successes as well as failures that don’t make you feel like a failure, and the right “energy” – chicks are just more receptive to you.

The technical part of direct game has never been hard.

Finding enough targets and optimizing the look are not difficult but not easy.

The hard part of direct game is the toil it takes on a man’s ego after he spends a few minutes with a chick (with his hopes up) and he gets denied.  That’s when the negative spiral kicks in.

Overall, Direct Game is basically giving her the best “thin slice” of what it would be like to be with you.

It’s a thin slice though, and a false slice at that.

Indirect game is literally giving her the experience of what it is like to be with you, and you draw her deeper into your web with your words and behavior that hits her switches.  It’s not really about how she feels about you, but about how you make her feel.   I call this the Stroganoff.  Beef Stroganoff is not a very pretty looking dish.  But a spoonful or two and a smile will appear.

So if a player is into indirect game – where the negative or indifferent get so wrapped up in the interaction that they become attracted in a psychological sense – based on the novelty of the chat, and the intermittent nature of the emotional reward…

Then when she says she just got out of a relationship, now  is a perfect chance to practice indirect game.

A chick saying this basically establishes the fact that whatever “value” you had in a direct context is not very “inspiring to her”.  And she would please like you to leave her alone.

This particular wording – and we know how women love words – actually leaves open lots of questions, rather than closes them.

When a chick says this, I hear a social script.

Social Script?

I say, “Please”. You say, “Thank you.”

I say, “Como estas?”, You say, “Bien, Y Tu?”

Girl doesn’t feel the guy,  she grabs a sub-routine to get her out of the situation, and “lets him down easy”.  She doesn’t want to give a hard no, because for all she knows, he’ll go Caveman on her.  The more social scripts/stock responses/routine behavior that a man notices, the more he has to work with.

These are what I consider easy set ups.

– How old are you

– Where are your friends

– Where do you live

– What do you do for a living

– I’m too old for you

– You’re too old for me

Guys with little experience with women see these as either tests or strong indicators of interest.  Positive or negative.  I suggest a player uses his brain, and figures out what each of these mean in the context that he’s in.

Overall, a man will not be served by having little one line quips.  Like he was  repeating some bullshit he read on a blog.

A quick line makes you sound like a “playa playa”.

Chick says, “I got a man/boyfriend”

Would-Be-Player says, “We can just be friends”

A chick should never think a player is “smooth”. If she thinks he’s smooth – she’s stepping outside of herself and analyzing.  She should being fully “present” in the moment reacting to what he says and does.

As to any of these common “tests” or “issues” – What you want is understanding of what she probably means/what she’s probably trying to do, and use reasonable alternatives to get her twisted up!

Let’s recap, the “just got out of a relationship” is definitely a brush off.

How I do it?

She says her little piece

  1. “I just got out of a relationship”
  2. The sub-communication is “I’m not interested in you”
  3. Her reasoning might be
    1. You’re not my type,  I only bang in relationships (which is generally a yeah right, and might be true for individuals who’ve had bad experiences in the past – but that’s not “natural” at all)
    2. You are my type, but I fall in love with every guy that I bang

So those are my 3 thoughts at the start

– She says the thing

– I have a possible reason of hers in my mind

– She’s trying to get rid of me, the least socially expensive way possible

So what I do is these 4 steps

– Hear what she said (maybe take note of her body language)

– Give her a look, a quizzical look, a confused look, a confuddled look

and then

– I wait

Now whenever a chick “delivers the bad news”, 60% of her is sure that you’ll “get the message”.  40% of her is bracing for negativity – and best believe she has a lot more to say if you pursue that negative route. (%’s are made up, just go with the concept Poindexter)

She is expecting both a verbal response that either accepts or disputes the logical meaning of what she says and a non-verbal response that comports with that understanding.

So either

  • He’s gonna just take his L and walk away w/o causing a scene
  • He’s gonna be mad, and his getting mad at her rejection is just what she needs to unload on him. (Because, that Oscar Wilde quote actually fits in this situation)

When he gives her that look, and say nothing – he pulls the rug out from underneath her.

And she does not know what to do.

If he says ANYTHING, she’s gonna latch onto that, twist it, and come back to iterate her point.  So he says NOTHING.

What he want is for her to explain herself.

The reasons don’t matter, but she’s now reacting to you.  She’s now on the defensive.

And he’s now changed the tenor of the conversation – showed the most little bit of actual value – a man can literally convert – he’s gotten past her first little defense – indifference.

The overall idea of indirect game is interact with the girl and get her psychologically hooked on the interaction.  There are flashes of “strong emotion” that he gives her intermittently, and basically the amygdala keeps looking for another hit. Not just good emotions, STRONG emotions.  Roller Coaster..


So I have no problem talking to a chick, after I give her the look, she then fills in the void of silence with her “reasons”.   And then I continue to just not take her seriously with my look and the smirk that comes across her face.

Whatever I say at this point, after she’s said her peace, is not about addressing her “logical” concern, but about addressing her emotional concerns.

“You really think you’re going to get that attached to me?”

“Oh, you feel it too?”

“Hmm, what do you think is gonna happen?”

^Any of these 3 would work for me.

Whatever “wrong thing” I assume – she’s already reacting to me, already trying to defend herself, make her self clear, and she’s already falling into trap.

Because she has to be right, she has to prove herself, and in doing so, she’s laughing at my jokes, and herself, and having a good time.

From there it’s a move to a different subject, moving her to a different part of the venue, meeting her friends, introducing her to people, and let’s continue this discussion at the diner (which is incidentally 5 minutes from my place, where I can read you some of those Bible passages I mentioned)


7 thoughts on “She Says – I Just Got Out of a Relationship”

  1. “A chick should never think a player is “smooth”. If she thinks he’s smooth – she’s stepping outside of herself and analyzing. She should being fully “present” in the moment reacting to what he says and does.
    As to any of these common “tests” or “issues” – What you want is understanding of what she probably means/what she’s probably trying to do, and use reasonable alternatives to get her twisted up!”

    Archie, your game is very analytical. I’m curious, you say you want the woman to be present and not to be thinking much. I get the impression from this post that your game does a lot of thinking in terms of what the woman said and in what context to determine the response. How can a player not get in his head if he is doing that much thinking when responding to her?

    1. It is a good question.
      The usual danger is before the step up,paralysis by analysis.

      There is also a tendency to rely on scripts for the entire conversation – that’s a lot of tangential stuff to memorize just in case, or forcing the organic chat to go back to, “who lies more”.

      There are two basic tricks
      1) pick topics that she knows well, and you have a good idea about. – food, music, love and relationships

      2) change topics based on the noun/verb/adjective formula

      Chick – I totally went crazy at the ice cream place

      – went
      – crazy
      – ice cream

      Just riff on any of those in relation to her.

      Went = you did not go to with me
      Crazy = if that was crazy, what are you now?
      – ice cream? Lemme guess you’re a plain vanilla type.

      The formula can get hours out of a girl, because that’s how they(and groups) talk.

      But you don’t have to do much pre planning, just nudging – allowing yourself some time.

      The last thing goes back to bigger issues – but if you take the time to think, respond, and talk slower (but louder and clearer) you often “say” more than just your words. Alphas and men that are used to women aren’t pressed to keep up speed wise, because they’re on a higher level. She keeps up with you not, vice versa. And you don’t care if she leaves.

      The three combined allows you to stay in the interaction, but keeps you step ahead as well.

      Now some of the best conversations are entirely in improv, and that comes with luck at first, and then experience as you start to enjoy talking to women.

      Dichotomy of serious about the game versus taking women seriously when they talk to you in this setting

  2. Honored for the shout-out, and great post as always.

    For the record, before that chick hit me with that line, I already “planted a seed” to get back to her place (saying we should watch the indie film I helped finance), to which she said “sure can my roommate watch with us” (I should have ejected from there lol). I felt committed, so we still went to her place and watched the film with the roomie, and I went on my way. Haven’t heard from the chick since, and I haven’t hit her up myself.

    ‘Twas a good lesson though in 1) “seriously interacting” isn’t game.

    1. Haha, been there.
      “Yeah, Archie, you don’t have to leave, you can sleep on the couch next to the cat’s litter box.”

      When you get more quick witted,

      “You and your roommate are into that?…”
      *raise an eyebrow*

  3. “‘Twas a good lesson though in 1) “seriously interacting” isn’t game.”

    This. Guys get caught up in this because they enjoy the interaction and miss all the hooks, fearing pushing things, messing up.

    1. MAN…
      Sense of scarcity! Lack of emotional control
      Though still some manage to bulldog through it and make the connection.
      If just getting to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – PUA is overkill. Game is nuclear codes.

      It’s all a process though

  4. Ah man number one question I get is “how old are you” from older chicks lol

    Eventually figured out how to use it in a gambit like this through trial and error.

    Though it’s a bit less of a DQ than the relationship line.

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