Weaponizing Daddy Issues

I’ll make this a quick hit.

Great little article came across my feed.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/peaceful-parenting/201907/why-hot-relationship-runs-cold

There are a few types of Daddy Issues that we deal with

• • Dad was never “there” (physically, emotionally, whatever is popping this season)
  • Dad was perfect (and you’ll never measure up, loser!)
  • Dad (and the parents) were authoritarians. (A lot of these “red pill” dads are gonna turn little Keisha and Caitlyn into strippers.

But this is about type 1.    And this is why you should do some real screening when you are considering promoting a girl up a level.

…if a person’s father was emotionally unavailable—meaning he constantly fluctuated between dismissive and rejecting to idealizing and controlling—the person may be drawn to a partner who operates similarly. The unconscious promise of remastering a painful childhood dynamic is exhilarating and intoxicating. Winning the love of a partner who unconsciously reminds a person of a rejecting parent offers a chance to eradicate the original pain.

You can tell this is written by a woman and for a female audience with this line.  There’s some hedging on the he or she stuff, but this narrative, this lie people tell themselves is rarely directed at men.  Those men that do fall victim to these chicks (who among us have not?), are ridiculed.

It’s written to be gender neutral – but even a blind man can see it.

The author goes into some tight game here though.

The hook is that many emotionally unavailable people launch a relationship by wooing their partner. By idealizing and showering a partner with the affirmation and validation the partner is hungry for, the emotionally unavailable person easily reels a partner in.

Affirmation and validation the partner is hungry for.

This is the old chest nut.

Tell a pretty girl she’s smart

Tell a smart girl she’s pretty

She goes on to write

Yet once the emotionally unavailable party has the partner invested in the relationship, he or she changes the game. Suddenly he or she becomes dismissive and critical.

This throws the partner into a panic because the love he or she longs for is yanked away, which reawakens the trauma that an emotionally abusive parent inflicted. Instead of recognizing the reality of the emotionally abusive relationship, the partner experiences searing emotional pain.

I want to focus on the part right here – “instead of recognizing the reality”.

I understand what that means intellectually, but who can honestly do that in the moment.  This bit of therapy is a bit of victim blaming if you ask me.

But I’ve said before, if you were to give the average attractive woman the sociopath test – she’d “pass” with flying colors.

Let’s read how this woman describes an emotionally unavailable partner.

1. 1. They swing from loving you to treating you with disdain.
   2. They believe they are right and have difficulties entertaining a partner’s perspective if it differs from their own.
   3. It is their way or the highway.
   4. It is almost impossible to resolve conflict, and simple disagreements explode into nightmarish fights.
   5. They play the victim in order to garner sympathy and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
   6. They display sympathy but lack empathy.
   7. They induce shame in a partner.

Hmm, who does this sound like?

Protect yourself my brothers.

-Archie